Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Drunk is not a location!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
