I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
