i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
