So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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