im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
