I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
