Michael Bay diarrhea
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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