Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
