She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
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Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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