was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
