so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
