This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
