First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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