I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
