Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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