yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize