i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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