The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
