She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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