so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
