bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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