Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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