You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
