They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
