I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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