This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
there was a trapeze. enough said
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
