we have pet lesbian snakes
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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