so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
