we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
