I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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