Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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