Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
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Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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