He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Found your dick twin last night
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
