It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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