Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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