maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
