The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
