Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
