Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
