Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
