Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
