I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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