I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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