you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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