I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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