dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
