I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
