Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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