I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
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Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
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Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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