so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
