Betty ford says i'm here all night
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
