I didn't shave. On purpose
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
