I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
