Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
