i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
