gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
