I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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