If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We are two peas in an std pod
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
