U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
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I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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