I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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