how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
