Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
