At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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