its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
