So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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