jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
