I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
