i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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