I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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