i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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