My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
foreskin is a definite game changer
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
