Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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