I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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