oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
