He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
