just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
